Monday, 6 January 2014

Life in the freezer


I was reflecting yesterday on delicious irony of the poor sods who went to the Antarctic on that boat and got stuck in the ice. "Ha ha!" I thought. "That'll be the global warming then!" Doubly delicious that the trip included scientists there to study climate change.

Then the got rescued by helicopter and evacuated to a Chinese boat - that got stuck in the ice. Great. You couldn't make it up. The world turns on irony, and I just love it.

Well, I loved it until it turned on me.

My central heating is off today because the boiler is pissing water. Apparently, the heat exchanger is knackered. A new one is going to cost me around £1,200 and when fix will still leave me with a crap boiler so I've swallowed the bitter pill and forked out £2,200 for a new one. Serves me right for gloating, although I admit that's pretty ironic.

So, here I am sitting in my thermals in the kitchen with the oven cooking lunch and the plinth heater banging out hot air at god knows how much per therm. Even more ironic is that today I woke up to ice outside and what seems to be the coldest morning several weeks.

It does, however, lead me to reflect on the plight of the not so well off - not something that I normally have a great deal of sympathy for as the poor always seem to be able to find fag and beer money. I thought to myself that it was OK for me because I can afford to fork a couple of grand to solve the problem. What about the poor sods who don't have a couple of grand?

Well, they should have planned it better and not spent it all on fags and beer in the first place. Don't have a contingency plan? Should have made one. Don't have money to put in a contingency plan? Should have worked harder, spent less and done a proper budget.

After all, the government doesn't really care and won't help you despite Mr Cameron's latest policy announcement about helping pensioners. Let them eat cake!

I'm feeling particularly grouchy...

1 comment:

Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...

".......Serves me right for gloating, although I admit that's pretty ironic......"

Karma's a bitch, Innit? And what the fuck are you complainin' about, ya feckin' whinging POME bastard? You Brit-fucks wouldn't know cold if it jumped up and bit you on your blightied 'kept calm and carried on' arses!

On February 2, 2003, the day I first arrived in the New World(1), the temperature was -1 C. Balmy I was told, though I reckon they were barmy. Minus 1 C was 15 degrees Celsius colder than I had ever experienced in my 22 years of life to that point. Jaysus fuck it was cold. But then? Now this is Karma, 18 hours later it was fucking -32C!!??!?! Fuck me from behind with a primordial Antarctic ice stalactite with the density of a Neutron star, that was cuntrel-cold.
Now? Meh! -32C is balmy! I'm tough and hard now. I may look the kitten-cute gamine of exquisite Asianness on the surface, but I'm so hard now I can divide by zero. Can you? No you cannot.

If it makes you feel any better, a new boiler and heat exchanger for The Tutor's house would cost thrice what you're gonna pay for yours.

(1) Pembroke, Ontario, Canada - known locally as 'The Arm-Pit of the Ottawa Valley' but, I think 'Anal Sphincter Muscle' is a more apropos anatomical metaphor.


PS. Are the Boiler blokes Polish? They work cheaper I've been told.