Thursday, 14 February 2013

What a load of crap!


My heart is gladdened by last weeks news that a lump of whale vomit found by a bloke walking his dog on a Lancashire beach could be worth as much as £100,000.

Ambergris is apparently produced naturally in the intestines of sperm whales and although I refer to it as 'whale vomit' it is not actually proven scientifically which end of the whale it actually exits so, technically speaking, it could just as well be whale shit.

The reason it is so valuable is that it used in the production of perfume, mainly as a stabilising agent but also for it's 'subtle' aroma. The fact that something so unsavoury should be so valuable because of pure human vanity really appeals to me. (Remember this when you buying your girl expensive perfume for Valentines Day!)

It is also considered a delicacy when added to food. King Charles II was partial it when sprinkled on his eggs. One person who has tried it said "It looks like pepper but it has an unpleasant texture and a weird greasiness. It also gets stuck in your teeth." Nice...

It occurred to me that perhaps it would attract the same sort of people who pay a lot of money for hair conditioner that contains bull semen?

Ever since I read all this, I have been unable to remove from my mind the picture of one of those waiters that come round in Italian restaurants with enormous wooden pepper grinders. I can see one now hanging over my plate of scrambled eggs.

"Would sir like whale sick with that?..."

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