A monk's tale...

A young monk arrives at the monastery.

He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.

So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot . . .

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

"We missed the R ! We missed the R ! We missed the R !"

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...

"CELEBRATE !!!"

Elderly drivers

Anyone who has ever visitted East Anglia will know that people in that part of the world couldn't drive nails into a piece of wood...

...so when I heard recently that concerns were being voiced about elderly people being unfit to drive on the road and that nothing was being done to ensure that these people weren't a danger to themselves and to others, I cracked a wry smile.

Currently, when you reapply for your driving licence, you have to self certify to say that you are fit to drive. Now, this seems a little strange to me as nobody is going to admit to being unfit unless they have to. After all, they want to carry on driving. It's like those stupid questions they ask you when you fill in a landing card to enter America. Questions like "Are you intending to enter in to any terrorist activities whilst in the United States?" I mean, you're not going to answer "Yes" are you?

The answer is really quite simple. When you reapply for a driving license, you go to your GP and get a signature from him to say that he thinks you're OK. Your GP should know if you have underlying problems and should be able to perform a simple examination to ensure you meet basic criteria.

This strikes me as yet another case of something where the politicians spout hot air and do nothing whereas, if they are serious, then the solution is fairly simple.

However, will it solve the problem? I once got banned for drink driving. Not something I'm particularly proud of, but it happened. When they let me out of the cell the next mornng after my night of ritual humiliation, I got a taxi to take me home.

When I told the driver why I was there, he said that he'd been banned once for 18 months for drink driving but that it hadn't presented a practical problem because the car didn't drive any different with or without a license. I can relate to this, because in East Anglia they can't drive or park. I'm amazed that some of them ever passed a driving test in the first place.

Then again, maybe they didn't...

A lamb to the slaughter...

God it was painful - but it was also Jeremy Paxman at his finest...

If you've not seen it already then take a look at Paxo taking Treasury Minister, Chloe Smith, to pieces when she was offered up by her loyal leader the Chancellor to be grilled over the 'U-turn' on fuel duty. The slaughter starts at 6:18 into the video :



Now, whilst I see an argument over the recent reverses in fiscal policy that goes along the lines of "We proposed the change, people voiced their opinions and we responded to their concerns" - which, let's face it, would be a whole new and frankly refreshing way to govern if it were true - one has to watch this interview and ask what sort of tossers we have running this country!?

The poor girl was completely unable to answer even the simplest and most innocuous of questions such as "When were you told of the change in policy?" I mean, what's the big secret? Or how about "How are you going to pay for this?"

Three words sum up this performance : Unprepared, incompetent and illadvised

Unprepared because the girl clearly didn't have a clue what she was talking about; incompetant because if you are that unprepared then you shouldn't be in the job in the first place; and illadvised because you don't send in a 29 year old junior to fend off questions from a heavyweight like Paxman.

At the end of the day, it's not the change of policy that makes the government look bad on this occasion but their appalling judgement in appointing this woman in the first place and then sticking her on national television to sit in for her boss.

Shame on you Osbourne!

Dodging taxes

Back in April, I wrote an article about how our esteemed Chancellor seemed unable to comprehend that rich people can afford expensive accountants and lawyers to get out of paying tax, so I'm rather baffled to hear that three months on Georgie and Dave are getting uptight about it yet again...

Let's put this in perspective. Jimmy Carr is, in my opinion, a seriously unfunny pissant of the first water. I remember his tasteless gag about Afghanistan being a good breeding ground for the 2012 paralympics. Not funny, Jimmy. Not funny at all!! However, having deliberately entered into an overseas tax haven agreement I am lost to understand why he found it necessary to apologise for it. After all, he did it deliberately and there's nothing illegal about it.

Now according to Dave, these sort of arrangements are morally indefensible. Well, maybe so, Dave but they are also totally legal. So the question really ought to be "When are you going to introduce legislation to make these arrangements illegal?" Don't blame Jimmy for doing nothing wrong when it's your fault.

And while we are on the subject, I note that you sidestepped questions about Philip Green's tax arrangements. You know, the one where his company redirects millions to his wife who lives in Monaco so that he pays no tax at all. Isn't that morally indefensible - or is it OK because he donates money to the Conservative Party?

According to Danny Alexander, if the rich paid their fair share, then he could knock 2p off the basic rate of income tax. Well, nice soundbite Danny, but more to the point if they paid their fair share we could use the money to reduce the crippling debt we inheritted from Gordon.

Nobody likes paying tax, but the fact is that all the stuff we take for granted like roads, street lights, rubbish collection, policing, schools, the health service and loads more has to be paid for somehow. And don't tell that you could pay for it as you use it, because it's completely impractical.

The tax system in the UK isn't perfect. Far from it. But it does at least try to collect it from people who can afford to pay it and the rates are a lot lower than in many, many other countries.

Successive governments have talked and talked about simplifying the system to make it simpler to administer and easier to police but talk is cheap.

So perhaps, Mr Cameron, you should stop banging on about legal avoidance being morally repugnant and get on with the job of closing the loopholes that allow it to happen in the first place...

Living in an eco-house

It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it!...

There's a lot of hot air (pun intended) spouted about global warming and how we should be more environmentally conscious of our carbon footprint, so in the best traditions of investigative journalism I decided that I needed to check this out for myself so that I could write this really informative article for all you non-intelligensia out there to fawn over.

Actually, I just fancied a week in Cornwall and this came up. But anyway...

Mrs D. spotted this nice warm, cosy eco-shed (see picture) so we booked it and off we went. I have to say it was a very interesting experience. Along with usual coffee table stuff you get with a self catering rental property there was this folder entitled, rather pretentiously I thought, 'Your lodges green folder' - so I had a read. It went on for pages about all their green initiatives - how they had built the lodge from sustainable sources using local craftsmen; how they had used reclaimed timber from a Cornish wreck; how they had used low energy light bulbs; how the building was super insulated; how they heated the water by solar panel. In fact all the usual guff and then some.

So how did it stack up in practice?

Well, Mrs D. was the first to blow the ship out of the water so to speak. She looked at the furniture and asked "Isn't this the same stuff we've got in our bedroom?"  Indeed, it was. Exacty the same. Imported all the way from China...

Then we did some cooking. Apparently the air seal was so good that when you turn on the extractor fan it can suck all the air out of the building and suffocate you, so to compensate there's a intake fan in the lounge which sucks air into the building to compensate. Cold air that is - which rather makes a mockery out of the heat retaining glazing and super insulation.

Then there's the lighting. It's all low energy which means that when you turn the light on to go into the bathroom for a pee, you've groped your way to the loo and done the necessary and then left the room again before it's warmed up enough to see your hand in front of your face. You have to remember to turn the lights on about 5 minutes before you want to enter the room - which can be tiresome when you come into the building at night, so we just got in to the habit of leaving all the lights on.

I could go on and on - and frequently do - about why the whole concept is fundamentally flawed, but the piece de resistance is the main feature of the property that attracted us in the first place. Namely, the dirty great hot tub out on the decking.

Very enjoyable it was, but somehow I suspect not very eco-friendly...

On the buses...

Sometimes, I have to admit that I get it wrong - not often, mind you. Just sometimes...

On the face of it, it seems that I might have been wrong when I took a pop at the greedy bastards on the London buses for trying to screw a £500 bonus out of their employers in return for not fucking up the great Olympic bunfest. I couldn't see how you could justify paying the drivers extra for driving a bus that was full as opposed to one that was half full. It didn't seem logical and I couldn't see any reason for this other than blackmail.

Now at this point I have to put in a little caveat. I was also sort of right - but then I heard the other side of the argument. It goes like this :

• Lots more passengers = lots more fares
• Lots more fares = lots more profits
• Lots more profits = fucking great bonuses for the bosses

The unions quite rightly argue that if the bosses are sticking their snouts in the bonus trough because of all the extra money the companies will be making, then it is only right that the employees should also share in the extra profits being generated by this bunfest.

So to all you drivers who were on strike last week that I accused of being greedy, opportunist, money grabbing bastards, I say this :  You are still greedy, opportunist, money grabbing bastards - but so are your bosses. So I understand now where you are coming from.

However, two wrongs don't make a right... 

The Church of All Worlds

The Church of All Worlds (CAW) is a neopagan religious group whose stated mission is to evolve a network of information, mythology, and experience that provides a context and stimulus for reawakening Gaia and reuniting her children through tribal community dedicated to responsible stewardship and evolving consciousness.

The key founder of CAW is Oberon Zell-Ravenheart, who serves the Church as "Primate", later along with his wife, Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart, designated High Priestess. CAW was formed in 1962, evolving from a group of friends and lovers who were in part inspired by a fictional religion of the same name in the science fiction novel Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein; the church's mythology includes science fiction to this day.

The headquarters are presently in Cotati, California. CAW's members, called Waterkin, espouse paganism, but the Church is not a belief-based religion. Members experience Divinity and honor these experiences while also respecting the views of others. They recognize "Gaea," the Earth Mother Goddess and the Father God, as well as the realm of Faeries and the deities of many other pantheons.

Many of their ritual celebrations are centered on the gods and goddesses of ancient Greece.

CAW began in 1961 with a group of high school friends. One of these was Richard Lance Christie from Tulsa, Oklahoma. Christie was fascinated by the "self-actualization" concepts of Abraham Maslow, a renowned American psychologist, and after meeting then-Timothy Zell at Westminster College in Fulton, Missouri, he began experiments in extrasensory perception. It was during this time that the group they formed read Heinlein’s science fiction novel, Stranger in a Strange Land, which became the inspiration for CAW.

Heinlein's book, combined with Maslow's self-actualization concepts, led to the formation of a waterbrotherhood that Zell and Christie called Atl, the Aztec word for "water", and also meaning "home of our ancestors". Atl became dedicated to political and social change and the group grew to about 100 members.

Zell formed CAW from Atl, and filed for incorporation as a church in 1967. It was formally chartered on March 4, 1968, making it the first Earth religion to obtain full United States recognition as a church.

CAW modeled its organization after the group in Heinlein's novel, as a series of 9 nests in circles of advancement that were each named after a planet. The basic dogma of the CAW was that there was no dogma – the basic "belief" was a stated "lack of belief". Within their religion, the only sin was hypocrisy and the only crime in the eyes of the church was interfering with another person.

By 1970, CAW placed greater emphasis on ecology and nature, applying the term pagan to nature-lovers in general, regardless of religion

Moving toward an emphasis on nature eventually led to a breaking of the relationship between CAW and Atl. By 1974, CAW had nests in more than a dozen states around the United States. That year, Zell married Morning Glory (née Diana Moore) and in 1976 he and Morning Glory settled in Eugene, Oregon and then at the Coeden Brith land in northern California.

When Zell stepped away from central leadership, the Church of All Worlds suffered internal strife that led to most of the church dissolving. By 1978 the focus and headquarters shifted to California with the Zells and the nine-circle nest structure was revamped. CAW then served for several years as an umbrella organization for its subsidiaries.

By the mid-1980s, CAW had practically ceased operation outside of Ukiah, California where the Zells relocated in 1985. Anodea Judith assumed presidency until 1991, and the structure of the organization was revamped with plans for more nest meetings, training courses, new rituals, and publications. By the late 1990s CAW had increased membership internationally, becoming particularly strong in Australia, where it was legally incorporated in 1992.

In 1998 Oberon Zell-Ravenheart took a year-and-a-day sabbatical from his role as Primate, and the church headquarters were moved to Toledo, Ohio.

On August, 2004, the Board of Directors decided to terminate CAW due to financial and legal struggles. In January, 2006, CAW was reestablished with Zells again assuming a leadership role. In 2007, Green Egg, CAW's influential journal, returned to publication in an online format.

The "3rd Phoenix Resurrection of the Church" continues to the present day.

Prison

I recently spent a week in student accomodation on a tour of North Wales. I wasn't as good as the picture above.

However, the picture above is a prison cell.

This led me to reflect on some differences that a friend sent me recently regarding the differences between prison and the office. Here's what he said :

Prison		Work
You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell		You spend the majority of your time in a 6X6 cubicle
You get three meals a day fully paid for		You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it
You get time off for good behavior		You get more work for good behavior
The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you		You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself
You can watch TV and play games		You could get fired for watching TV and playing games
You get your own toilet		You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat
They allow your family and friends to visit		You aren't even supposed to speak to your family
All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required		You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners
You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out		You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars

Think about it. It's all true.

Now get on with your work. You're not paid to read blogs...

Tony Nicklinson's right to die

I think that regular readers of this blog will know by now my views on the individual's right to seek assistance to end his or her own life.

At this point I need to very clear. Assisted death is the right to decide you need help to end your life. It should be legalised. Euthanasia is someone else deciding to end your life and should rightly remain categorised as murder.

In 2005, Tony Nicklinson had a catastrophic stroke which left him with what is known as 'locked-in syndrome'. He is paralysed from the neck down and unable to speak. He communicates by blinking or limited head movement.

"I need help in almost every aspect of my life," he explained in a letter read out by his lawyer. "I have no privacy or dignity left. I am fed up with my life and don't want to spend the next 20 years or so like this. I'm not depressed so do not need counselling. I have had over six years to think about my future and it does not look good. I can expect no cure or improvement in my condition as my muscles and joints seize up through lack of use.

"Indeed, I can expect to dribble my way into old age. If I am lucky I will acquire a life-threatening illness such as cancer so that I can refuse treatment and say 'no' to those who would keep me alive against my will.

"By all means protect the vulnerable," he added. "By 'vulnerable' I mean those who cannot make decisions for themselves. Just don't include me. I am not vulnerable. I don't need help or protection from death or those who would help me. If the legal consequences were not so huge – ie life imprisonment – perhaps I could get someone to help me. As things stand, I can't get help."

He is arguing in the High Court that a doctor should be allowed to help him end his life as he cannot do it for himself. It's a landmark case. The contra-argument is that there is a slippery slope between assisted death and euthanasia. I do not accept this argument and neither does Tony Nicklinson.

What he seeks are two declarations from the court. One is that in the circumstances of his case - and where an order has been sought from the court in advance - "the common law defence of necessity would be available to a doctor who, acting out of his professional and human duty, assisted him to die".

The other is that the current law of assisted suicide and euthanasia is incompatible with his Article 8 rights of autonomy and dignity.

I have the greatest sympathy for this man. His life is clearly intolerable and he wishes to end it. It is not a passing whim, or a fit of depression but rather a carefully considered and consistent position.

How would you feel if you were in his position? 

Striking doctors caption competition...

Now I know that a lot of doctors are on strike today, so instead of treating patients I thought I should give them something else to do.

So, if you are a doctor, then why not put a caption to the above picture? After all, it's a chance for you to get your message across to the public about how hard done by you are and how we're all in it together - except you of course.

And, in the interests of fairness, all you non-doctors out there : what do you think the doctor is saying?

Here's a few suggestions...

"Hey! It says here that not only am I getting paid to go on strike, but I'm going to get a £68,000 indexed linked pension as well!!

"Medicine is a great profession now we've found a way to avoid all those sick people and still get paid!"

"Well, that's one way of getting my BMA subs back..."

"Nurse! Come quickly - I think my bank balance is dying!"

Perhaps I'm being a little hard on them?

But then again...

Shame on you, doctor!

Tomorrow marks the first strike by the medical profession since 1974. Then it was about the rights of consultants to treat private patients and about junior doctors hours.

Tomorrow it is about pure selfish greed.

The average GP in this country earns over £100,000 per annum. More than 4,000 doctors in the UK earn in excess of £150,000 per annum. I, for one, don't begrudge them this level of salary because they dedicated their lives to the care and treatment of the sick. I admire them for this and remember a story my father once told me about a friend of his who decried the size of the surgeons bill.

The surgeon simply replied: "That's fine. Just pay me half of what you were prepared to give me before I treated you!"

Doctors are being asked to pay more into their pension pots and to defer retirement for two years. This might sound familiar to you, because everyone is being asked to do the same because, in a nutshell, the country cannot afford to do anything else.

The difference is that, in the doctors' case, they will leave with a £68,000 per annum indexed linked pension paid for predominently out of your taxes. Frankly, I think this is generous but I am happy to wear it.

But not so the BMA. In the true spirit of Scargillism they want to increase the suffering of thousands of patients so that they can get their grubby little hands on more money.

Dr Hamish Meldrum, chairman of the BMA, emphasised doctors would be doing everything they could to ensure patients were safe on Thurday. He said: "Patient safety is our absolute priority. We have been clear throughout that any emergency care – or other care urgently needed by patients – will be provided. We are undertaking this action with extreme reluctance."

Well, that's bullshit because the BMA is revelling in taking on the government so to hell with 'extreme reluctance'. And if patient safety was an 'absolute priority' then they wouldn't be going on strike!

Thankfully, not all doctors are money-grubbing gits A poll for the Daily Mail yesterday revealed that three quarters of GP practices have told their PCTs that they are not joining in the action.

And the final straw in all this? Well, it seems that lots of striking doctors will lose nothing for taking the day off as the NHS trusts will pay many of them their average £430 a day anyway because they are providing emergency cover. Talk about having your cake and eating it!

So my final word on this? If you a doctor going on strike today...

...shame on you!

Colemanballs

I shamelessly nicked the headline from Private Eye. They nick my stuff, so I thought 'Sod it!'...

Anyway, with this magnificent summer of sport before us - Euro 2012, Wimbledon, The Olympic Games - I thought it as a good time to reflect on the absolute drivel that commentators subject us to when we wish they would just shut the fuck up and let us watch in peace!

Here's a few gems - all real, I promise...

First, the man himself :

• That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record
• A truly international field, no Britons involved.
• The Republic of China - back in the Olympic Games for the first time
• And the line up for the final of the Women's 400 metres hurdles includes three Russians, two East Germans, a Pole, a Swede and a Frenchman.
• Ingrid Kristiansen then has smashed the world record, running the 5000 metres in 14:58.89. Truly amazing. Incidentally, this is a personal best for Ingrid Kristiansen.
• And there's no 'I love you' message because Steve Ovett has married the girl
• We estimate, and this isn't an estimation, that Greta Waitz is 80 seconds behind
• He is accelerating all the time. That last lap was run in 64 seconds and the one before in 62.
• He's 31 this year. Last year he was 30

Here's a few in honour of Euro 2012 :

• He's a player you only miss when he's not playing - Graham Taylor
• Fourth spot is what we are aiming for.  We don't want to be second best. - Phil Neville
• Gary Neville was the captain and now Ryan Giggs has taken on the mantelpiece - Rio Ferdinand
• Football is like a roundabout. Sometimes you are up and sometimes you're down - Radio 5 Live reporter
• And now we have the formalities over, we'll have the National Anthems. - Brian Moore
• The last player to score a hat-trick in a cup final was Stan Mortenson. He even had a final named after him, the Matthews final. - Lawrie McMenemy
• I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in. - Terry Venables
• It slid away from his left boot which was poised with the trigger cocked. - Barry Davies
• We have been saying this, both pre-season and before the season started. - Len Ashurst
• But as you know, the result for City is not as bad as it sounds on paper. - Steve McIllwenn
• Well actually we got the winner up there with three minutes to go, but then they equalised. - Ian McNail
• Ian Rush, deadly ten times out of ten, but that wasn't one of them. - Peter Jones 
• It was a fair decision, the penalty, even though it was debatable whether it was inside or outside the box. - Bobby Charlton
• Believe it or not, goals can change a game. - Mike Channon
• Ian Rush unleashed his left foot and it hit the back of the net. - Mike England
• You'll be hoping that this run of injuries will stop earlier than it started. - Andrew Gidley
• Ian Durant has grown both physically and metaphorically in the close season. - Jock Wallace
• It will be a shame if either side lose, and that applies to both sides. - Jock Brown
• Peter Shilton conceded five, you don't get many of those to the dozen. - Des Lynam
• Everything in our favour was against us - Danny Blanchflower
• I think everyone in the stadium went home happy, except all those people in Rumania. - Ron Greenwood
• Butcher goes forward as Ipswich throw their last trump card into the fire. - Byron Butler
• John Lyall, very much a claret and blue man, from his stocking feet to his hair. - Peter Jones
• Who ever wins today will win the championship no matter who wins - Denis Law

A few for the Olympics :

• Britain's last gold medal was a bronze in 1952 in Helsinki - Nigel Starmer-Smith
• She hasn't run faster than herself before - Zola Budd
• The Americans sowed the seed, and now they have reaped the whirlwind - Sebastian Coe

And finally, some miscellaneous classics :

• For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2 - Ted Lowe (Snooker)
• Steve is going for the pink ball - and for those of you who are watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green - Ted Lowe (Snooker)
• Born in America. John returned to his native Japan - Mike Gratton
• It's raining and the track is wet! - Murray Walker (Grand Prix)

And in the words of Ian Dury : "Now that we've had some, let's hope that there's lots more to come..."

UK to join the Euro

No. I didn't get that headline wrong and it's not a wind up!

The man in the picture is Jean-Claude Juncker. The rather appropriately named Mr Juncker is the president of Luxembourg - obviously a big hitting country at the heart of Europe. But more relevantly, he is also the president of Eurogroup, an informal caucus of euro finance ministers, the European Commission and the European Central Bank.

Mr Juncker says - and I quote - "The moment will come when the United Kingdom, after looking at reality, will say to itself that it is better to be in the essential machine of Europe than to sit in the stand watching the action.

"I have always believed that, in spite of occasional bitterness, the European Union without Britain is no longer the European Union.

"For strictly national reasons and not out of any continental romanticism, the United Kingdom will become a member of the eurozone."

UKIP's Paul Nuttal summed it all up rather nicely when he said, "They say a definition of madness is believing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"

Tory MP Philip Davies added, "The euro is over, it cannot be fixed. The sooner they accept that the better."

You have to admire the tenancity of the man even if you doubt his grip on reality. We are out of the Euro and bloody grateful to be so. If this guy really thinks that we will scrap the pound to join the Euro then he is clearly living on a different planet.

If prats like this are running the EU finances, then no wonder they are in the shit...

The Unification Church

This weeks wacky religion is the Holy Spirit Association for the Unification of World Christianity - better known as the Moonies after its founder Sun Myung Moon, pictured above with his wife.

Unification Church members believe that Jesus appeared to Mun Yong-myong (his birth name) when Moon was 15 on April 17, 1935 and asked him to accomplish the work left unfinished after his crucifixion. After a period of prayer and consideration, Moon accepted the mission, later changing his name to Mun Son-myong (Sun Myung Moon).

Moon's stated intention for his organization to be a unifying force for all Christian denominations. The phrase "Holy Spirit Association" has the sense in the original Korean of "Heavenly Spirits" and not the "Holy Spirit" of Christianity. "Unification" has political as well as religious connotations, in keeping with the church's teaching that restoration must be complete, both spiritual and physical. The church expanded rapidly in South Korea and by the end of 1955 had 30 church centers throughout the nation.

In 1958 Moon sent missionaries to Japan, and in 1959, to America. Moon himself moved to the United States in 1971. Since then, he has sent missionaries all over the world.

The Church - i.e. Moon - has extensive business interests, the extent of which he keeps close to his chest. There is no doubt that he is extremely wealthy. As a highly principalled and moral man of the cloth, many may be surprised that he was convicted in the United States in 1982 of wilfully filing false tax returns and conspiracy.

1984 and 1985, while he was serving his sentence in Federal Correctional Institution, Danbury, Connecticut, American UC members launched a public-relations campaign claiming that the charges against him were unjust and politically motivated. Booklets, letters and videotapes were mailed to approximately 300,000 Christian leaders. Many signed petitions protesting the government's case.

The Church is best known for it's mass weddings - some of which have been very massive indeed! The participants believe that they are being blessed by the living messiah. Many who take part are meeting their intended spouse for the first time and believe that being matched by their leader is to be chosed by none less than God  They pay £2,000 a couple for the priviledge and pledge 10% of their income to the church.

Amongst their investments, the Moonies own the largest Spanish language newspaper in South America, their own car manufacturer Pyeonghwa Motors (which has invested $300 million dollars in the North Korean car industry), and has recently completed a $130 million stadium in Korea for holding mass weddings and conferences. They are apparently North America's major supplier to the sushi restaurant trade.

To quote Marc Perkel from his 2008 work on the church : "The Moonies are a dangerous mind control cult with millions of followers and billions of dollars. Reverend Moon is a religious nut who is trying to take over the world. Moon openly admits that he thinks he is God and he expects to be worshipped! [They are] deeply rooted in the press, the Christian evangelical movement, and the Republican Party. If you're a member of the Press, a Christian, or a Republican, this should scare the Hell out of you."

In the interests of fairness, you can read more about them on Wikipedia by clicking here...

"NHS. How can I help you?..."

A 75 Year Old Lady rings her local NHS hospital...

'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'

'Do you know which ward she is in?'

'Yes, ward P, room 2B'

'I'll just put you through to the nurse station.'

'Hello, ward P, how can I help?'

'I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'

'I'll just check her notes. I'm pleased to say that Mrs Tiptree's conditioned has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow.'

'Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thank you ever so much!'

'You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?'

'No, I'm Mrs Tiptree in room 2b. They tell you fuck all in here '

Rooms to let...

Well, I hate to say I told you so.....Oh alright, then. I admit it. I told you so!

Seems the jubilee was a good day or two to bury bad news. Cashing in for short term gain is never a good strategy at the best of times - and the 2012 London Olympics is far from being the best of times.

A survey last week showed that London hotels are hiking their prices for the period of the games by an average of 104% with many charging up to four times their normal rates or more. As a result, the 'economic boom' that our illustrious government has been promising looks unlikely to come about as thousands of visitors are throwing their arms in the air in despair and deciding that these greedy bastards can stuff it!

Adding to the prices problem are the heightened congestion and security and as a result bookings for July and August are down by 35%. On the other hand it is an ill wind that blows nobody any good, and the French are rubbing their hands together in glee at having not only avoided the £20 billion bill for this load of nonsense but also seeing their visitor bookings up by 50%. Barcelona and Berlin are seeing booking up even higher - around the 100% mark.

Part of London's problems is the incompetence of LOCOG, the games organisers. Coe's merry men reserved 40,000 rooms for the officials and their families only to see 8,000 of them dumped back on the market as unneeded.  So, first they force the prices up by restricting availability, then they create a glut by dumping them back on the market. Brilliant!

All of this comes as no great surprise - or at least it shouldn't. Normal tourism in Beijing, Barcelona and Sydney all dropped through the floor during their games and took significant periods of time to recover.

But of course, LOCOG know so much better, don't they?...

93 Men in a Boat (16) : The Upper Class Twit

You know the type. We've all come across them. Their over accented voice enters the room several minutes before the rest of them...

On a small ship, it becomes rather difficult to escape from them, especially when one is in the bar or the dining room. They consider themselves, naturally, to be a cut above; better than the rest of us common types. And, of course, they delight in letting us know it.

We suffered ours over dinner one evening. Now I am a fan of open seating in dining rooms - not least of all because it enables me to avoid making the same mistake twice when choosing with whom I sit. It also enables one to meet a cross section of interesting people - by interesting, of course, I am not referring to one of these twits and there is always that risk.

Nearly always the first question is "Where are you from?" and naturally what ever your response they will always come from somewhere better and fail to understand why anyone would choose to live where you do!

I recently visitted Monaco so I thought I give that a go as an offputting answer. "Top that!" I thought. Totally nonplussed, he replied "Oh how dreadful for you. Isn't it so awfully overcrowded and passe?" Bugger!

The next question is "And what do you do for a living?" although their career will always have been so much more rewarding, fulfilling and worthwhile than yours. I usually try to put them of by replying "Actually, I've had several careers" without actually saying what but it doesn't always work.

On this occassion I just replied "Nothing" and thought "Get out of that one!" but he did. "Absolutely with you there, old man" he replied. "Not sure how I'd fit in all my committees if I had to work as well!"

And then comes the lecture about the relative merits of this evenings wine choices and a list of how many cruises he's been on and the 6 deluxe star hotels he always stays in.

"I only ever travel on this ship these days," he drones on. "Somehow the others just don't seem to measure up."

"Indeed, it is very nice", I reply. "But don't you just find some of the passengers rather snooty?"

"Know exactly what you mean, old chap" comes the response

Somehow I rather doubt it...

Greek tourism

Thinking of going to Greece for your holiday this year? Well, you seem to be in a minority...

As my regular reader will know, I am very fond of Greece. I have been known to pop over for a spot of sun a couple of times a year and certainly am not going to rule out continuing to do so. But there do seem to be one or two problems over there at the moment.

I was watching BBC Breakfast the other morning and there was a piece on there from Zakynthos about the collapse of the Greek tourist trade. Apparenty this is because everyone is concerned about the collapse of the Evro as they call it over there.

Well, I think that's crap. People are cutting back and it seems that when austerity is the name of the day, then the summer holiday is one thing where people watch the pennies. It doesn't stop them going, but they do look at the price tag a little more closely.

Almost exactly a year ago, I was in Kardamyli in the Peleponese. We stayed in a very nice hotel and two weeks including the flights and transfers set us back a modest £945. The same two weeks in the same room this year would set us back £875 a head - so it's pretty much doubled.

Friends of mine are off to Crete next week. They go every year to the same place. Last year they paid £750 and this year the same holiday is £1,250, an increase of two thirds. With some hard bargaining, they got the price down to £1,050 but decided they would go somewhere else instead, albeit still in Greece.

According to the BBC, their correspondent was staying in a hotel with 30 rooms and only three of them were occupied. Frankly, that makes the place seem rather spooky and uninviting in my book. I wouldn't like to stay there when it's that empty. UK bookings are down by 30% and the German bookings by as much as 60%

To the Greeks, I say this : If you want to maintain your tourism life blood, then you need to lower your prices. It's nothing to do with the political unrest in Athens, the prospect of strikes and protests (they always have them anway) or the impending Greek withdrawal from the Euro. It's not even a question of image.

If the price doubles, then people go somewhere cheaper. It's that simple...

Compensation culture

Hang on - that picture doesn't go with the heading, does it?

Well, yes it does actually. Seems the compensation culture has been taking a new twist. Companies have been hitting anyone who is caught shoplifting with compensation claims - even if they are not convicted.

In a recent landmark case, a judge in Oxford threw out civil claims for £137 send to each of two girls caught by the store security guard stealing make up. The goods were recovered and no charges were bought, but the civil claim was brought by the shop owners. The Citizens Advise Bureau are referring to these sorts of cases as 'a parallel justice system'.

Primark, Iceland, Asda, Boots, Debenhams, Tesco and TK Maxx all employ agents to issue 'civil recovery' demands supposedly to cover administrative costs of processing shoplifting cases.

Another example was a mother whose toddler opened a drink in Boots without paying for it. Boots demanded £87.50 costs for 'staff and management time, administration and apportioned security costs'

Faced with threats of court and being placed on a dishonesty register, a lot of people just pay up, but now that has been challenged in court, things might change. The judge in this case dismissed claims that the security staff were diverted from their normal duties. Frankly, I would have thought was self evident. What else are they there for? He also dismissed claims that it had caused 'serious disruption' to their business.

Under cross examination, the security manager revealed that he had spend an hour and ten minutes on the case. This cost £17 and not the £98.55 that was being claimed. Also the guard involved spent 30 minutes at a cost of around £5 - significantly less than the £20 they were asking for.

I don't condone shoplifting for one moment, but it seems to me that there is more than one thief involved here and well done to the judge for spotting it...

Coming soon to an airport near you...

I fly quite a lot - and if you are the same then you should be afraid; very afraid.

The Cologne-based European Aviation Safety Agency of  planning to lower  Britain's high standards by pursuing a "lowest common denominator" approach to harmonise rules across the EU.
If the Eu manages to enforce these rules - flying in face of common sense, if you will forgive the pun - then UK pilots sould be forced to land aircraft after they have been awake for the last 22 hours. The pilots body, BALPA, thinks that this is lunacy and MPs agree with them but, of course, the EU don;t give a flying fuck about what they think.

Louise Ellman, Chairman of the cross party Transport Select Committee said "Currently, the UK implements stricter flight time regulations than some other European countries, but under the new rules proposed by the European Aviation Safety Agency, the UK would not be able to have its own regime.
"Forty three per cent of pilots have reported falling asleep involuntarily at some point whilst on duty under the UK’s current regulatory framework.

“Current EU proposals risk making the situation worse, by lowering the UK’s current standards."

What I don't understand about this is why the Fourth Reich wants to force us to lower our standards in stead of just insisting on a minimum standard. If we already exceed that minimum standard then why should be forced to lower it to their level. It's lunacy, it's dangerous, and it makes no sense.

Yet another example of EU bureaucrats making up rules based on zero experience in the field and with nothing better to do with the time on their hands than to thing up more and more stupid regulations.

It really is time we stood up and said "No!" to these people before somebody ends up dying for their stupidity...

The Prince Philip Movement

The people of Vanuata must be breathing a hefty sigh of relief this week at the news that the Duke of Edinburgh is recovering his health, because this week's wacky religion is the Prince Philip Movement...

The Yaohnanen tribe on the southern island of Tanna in Vanuatu believe that Prince Philip is a divine being; the pale-skinned son of a mountain spirit and brother of John Frum (or 'John From' America - a WWII serviceman who the locals believe will bring health and prosperity to the people if they follow him).

According to ancient tales, the son travelled over the seas to a distant land, married a powerful lady and would in time return. The villagers had observed the respect accorded to Queen Elizabeth II by colonial officials and concluded that her husband, Prince Philip, must be the son from their legends.

Their beliefs were bolstered in 1974, when the Queen and Prince Philip made an official visit to the New Hebrides. Here was their ancestral spirit, resplendent in a white naval officer's uniform, come back to show off his bride.

The next direct contact came in 2007 when five members of the Prince Philip movement visited Britain to take part in a Channel 4 documentary. They were invited to Windsor Castle where the Prince gave them a new picture of himself. The five returned home to a heroes' welcome.

Later a problem arose when the tribesmen thought the Prince's birthday was the date of a "Second Coming". On the day of his 89th birthday in June 2010, they gathered together expecting his arrival.

Realizing their disappointment, Marc Rayner an 18-year-old Scottish gap-year student, stepped in to explain that the Prince's many responsibilities prevented him from being there in person but that he would rest in spirit on the island one day.

Buckingham Palace, aware the prince is revered in this obscure corner of Melanesia, sent out the three photographs. They include a black-and-white print delivered by the British Resident Commissioner in 1978, two years before a group of islands known as the New Hebrides became the independent nation of Vanuatu, and a framed color picture of Prince Philip grasping a ceremonial pig-killing stick, a gift from the islanders.

Michael O'Leary

Here's one for all you lovers of shite airlines...

Arriving in a hotel in Dublin , Michael O'Leary went to the bar and asked for a pint of draught Guinness. The barman nodded and said, "That will be one Euro please, Mr O’Leary."

Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.

"Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8. We have the cheapest beer in Ireland ."

"That is remarkable value" Michael comments.

"I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be 3 Euro please."

O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat.

"Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra 2 Euro. You could have pre-booked the seat, and it would have only cost you a Euro. I think you may to be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please?"

Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in he complains: "Nobody would fit in that little frame!" "I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of €4.00 for your seat sir."

O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up.

"I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "Since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another 3 Euro."

O'Leary was so annoyed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager!"

"Ah, I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be 2 Euro please."

O'Leary's face was red with rage. "Do you know who I am?" "Of course I do Mr. O'Leary," "I've had enough! What sort of Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!"

"Here is his E mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9 and 9.10 every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only 10 cents per second."

"I will never use this bar again!" yells O'Leary.

"OK sir, but remember, we are the only hotel in Ireland selling pints for one Euro".

Cameron and Merkel meet in Berlin...

Yesterday's meeting at the Fuhrerbunker between Angela Merkel and David Cameron was described as 'good and positive', but we know better don't we?

Here's the transcript from our ever present fly on the wall...

Merkel : Ve velcome you here to Greater Germania. Ve haf important issues to discuss...

Cameron : Indeed, Chancellor. It is important that the Euro is supported or we will all be in it together!

Merkel : Ve haf vays of solving zer crisis. I believe ve need greater political integration

Cameron : Hold on there, Kincaid! I must protect the British interest!

Merkel : You British are all zer same - afraid to take your rightful place in zer Reich! Call yourself a leader? Edward Heath - now zere was a leader!

Cameron : But Britain in a proud sovereign nation! Just look at the Jubilee.

Merkel : Enough of zis crap. Just gif us zer fucking money, Cameron!

Cameron : But we have no money. We are following your doctrine of austerity.... and we have the Olympics to pay for!

Merkel : Olympics? Pah! Anuzzer stupid Greek idea!

Cameron : Then there's nothing more to say!

Merkel : Ach! Zo!

(Silence ensues for several hours until a suitable period has elapsed to make the meeting look credible)

Leaders emerge smiling to address joint press conference...

Prince Philip

"You're fired!"

His Royal Highness Prince Philip, Duke of Edinbugh. My sort of person. Speaks his mind, please or offend.


Here's a few of his best quotes :

On places he didn't like :

• His description of Beijing, during a visit there in 1986: “Ghastly."
• His verdict on Stoke-on-Trent, during a visit in 1997: “Ghastly.”
• To a tourist in Budapest in 1993: “You can’t have been here long, you haven’t got a pot belly.”
• To Cayman Islanders: “Aren’t most of you descended from pirates?”
• To a British student in China, 1986: “If you stay here much longer, you’ll go home with slitty eyes.”
• “I’d like to go to Russia very much – although the bastards murdered half my family.” 1967

Good job he missed the concert, because...

• On Tom Jones, 1969: “It’s difficult to see how it’s possible to become immensely valuable by singing what are the most hideous songs.”
• On how difficult it is in Britain to get rich: “What about Tom Jones? He’s made a million and he’s a bloody awful singer.”
• To Elton John on his gold Aston Martin in 2001: “Oh, it’s you that owns that ghastly car, is it?”
• To deaf children by steel band, 2000: “Deaf? If you’re near there, no wonder you are deaf.”
• To a children’s band in Australia in 2002: “You were playing your instruments? Or do you have tape recorders under your seats?”

On politicians and civil servants :

• To President of Nigeria, who was in national dress, 2003: “You look like you’re ready for bed!”
• To a civil servant, 1970: “You’re just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don’t trust me and I don’t trust you.”
• To then Paraguay dictator General Stroessner: “It’s a pleasure to be in a country that isn’t ruled by its people.”
• To black politician Lord Taylor of Warwick, 1999: “And what exotic part of the world do you come from?”
• After hearing President Obama had had breakfast with leaders of the UK, China and Russia, 2010: “Can you tell the difference between them?”

On feminism :

• To a woman solicitor, 1987: “I thought it was against the law for a woman to solicit.”
• To female Labour MPs in 2000: “So this is feminist corner then.”

On disasters :

• To Lockerbie residents after plane bombing, 1993: “People say after a fire it’s water damage that’s the worst. We’re still drying out Windsor Castle.”
• After Dunblane massacre, 1996: “If a cricketer suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, are you going to ban cricket bats?”
• On smoke alarms to a woman who lost two sons in a fire, 1998: “They’re a damn nuisance - I’ve got one in my bathroom and every time I run my bath the steam sets it off.”

On ecology :

• At a project to protect turtle doves in Anguilla in 1965, he said: “Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don’t you have a slogan: ‘Kill a cat and save a bird?’”
• At a Scottish fish farm: “Oh! You’re the people ruining the rivers.”
• To the Aircraft Research Association in 2002: “If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort – provided you don’t travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.”

On his family :

• On the Duke of York’s house, 1986: “It looks like a tart’s bedroom.”
• On Princess Anne, 1970: “If it doesn’t fart or eat hay, she isn’t interested.”
• On marriage in 1997: “You can take it from me the Queen has the quality of tolerance in abundance.”
• “I don’t think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.” 1988.

On the press :

• To Simon Kelner, republican editor of The Independent, at Windsor Castle reception: “What are you doing here?” “I was invited, sir.” Philip: “Well, you didn’t have to come."
• "You have mosquitoes. I have the Press.” To matron of Caribbean hospital, 1966.
• To newsreader Michael Buerk, when told he knew about the Duke of Edinburgh’s Gold Awards, 2004: “That’s more than you know about anything else then.”
• To journalist Caroline Wyatt, who asked if the Queen was enjoying a Paris trip, 2006: “Damn fool question!”

On food and drink :

• At party in 2004: “Bugger the table plan, give me my dinner!”
• To Scottish driving instructor, 1995: “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test
• When offered wine in Rome in 2000, he snapped: “I don’t care what kind it is, just get me a beer!”
• To Susan Edwards and her guide dog in 2002: “They have eating dogs for the anorexic now.”
• “Where’s the Southern Comfort?” When presented with a hamper of goods by US ambassador, 1999.
• After a breakfast of bacon, eggs, smoked salmon, kedgeree, croissants and pain au chocolat – from Gallic chef Regis Crépy, 2002: “The French don’t know how to cook breakfast.”

And finally a few of my personal favourites :

• A VIP at a local airport asked HRH: “What was your flight, like, Your Royal Highness? Philip: “Have you ever flown in a plane?” VIP: “Oh yes, sir, many times.” “Well,” said Philip, “it was just like that."
• At Duke of Edinburgh Awards scheme, 2006. “Young people are the same as they always were. Just as ignorant.”
• "People think there’s a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.” 2000.
• To wheelchair-bound nursing-home resident, 2002: “Do people trip over you?”
• To a group of industrialists in 1961: “I’ve never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing.”
• “It’s my custom to say something flattering to begin with so I shall be excused if I put my foot in it later on.” 1956.

Get well soon - because it just wouldn't be the same without you!

Raghead democracy in action

You know, you just can't please some people - especially the Egyptians...

A few months back they were rioting on the streets because people were being locked up and imprisoned - even executed - without being given a fair trail. There were violent protests because the people of Egypt were being ruled by people who were not properly elected. They wanted democracy.

Fair enough, but...

Last week the people of Egypt were rioting in the streets because ex-president Mubarak, having been given a fair trial - was not being strung up anyway. Last week the people of Egypt were violently protesting in the streets because having had free and fair elections, they didn't like the choice they were being given between the two candidates who got the most votes. They don't like democracy.

Funny old world, isn't it?

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!

God save the Queen. We love you ma'am. We really do. God Saves!

So here's my song for the Jubilee celebrations...



And before you slag me off for being unpatriotic and irreverent, I'd like to point out that the above lines were taken from the lyrics of the Sex Pistols' classic so for all you clever, high brow music critics and general know-alls out there, can you please explain somthing to me?

Exactly how is it an anti-monarchy song?

God save the Queen. The fascist regime - they made you a moron. God save the Queen.

Political prat of the month

This month's prize political prat is former chancellor Geoffrey Howe, now Lord Howe of Aberavon and well known for stabbing Margaret Thatcher in the back.

Seems his lordship has decided that 2012 is the year that we should abandon miles, pints and ounces and fully embrace the metric system. Apparently he believes that visitors to the Olympics will think that Britain is hanging onto its imperial past, and that this is a bad thing!

He believes that the mixture of metric and imperial in this country is a 'deeply confusing shambles'. Well, it might confuse a doddery old bastard like Howe, but I for one am quite happy with things the way they are. Furthermore, he says that the lack of any attempt by the government to clarify matters was a glaring ommission from the Queen's speech.

Howe made these astonishing pronouncements during the Lords debate on the said speech. He went on: 'Weights and measures are in a mess. Litres for petrol and fizzy drinks, pints for milk and beer, metres and kilometres for athletics and the Ordinance Survey, miles per gallon for cars, the metric system for school, still pounds and ounces for the market.

'This muddle does matter. It increases cost, confuses shoppers, leads to serious misunderstandings, causes accidents, confuses our childrens education and, quite bluntly, puts us all to shame.'

Well, it might put you to shame, Geoffrey, but some of us are actually proud of our heritage and our way of life and would rather dump the metric system than the other way around...

But there's more: 'The country has been dithering on the issue for 150 years (really??) and that has led to a split between the metrically literate and a rudderless, bewildered majority. The only solution is to complete the changeover to metric as swiftly and as cleanly as possible.'

And while we're at it, yer lordship, why don't we drive on the right and change all our electrics to 110 volts like good little European drones?

For being completely and utterly out of touch with reality, and for lacking any sense of what's really important right now, Lord Howe of Aberavon gets my 'Political Prat of the Month' award...

The Aetherius Society

This week's wacky religion is the Aetherius Society.

On an uneventful day in 1954, George King was sitting alone in his London apartment when suddenly, out of the blue, Aetherius shouted: “Prepare yourself! You are to become the voice of Interplanetary Parliament.”

So he did...

Its guiding principle is 'Service to Humanity'. Its teachings combine the ancient spiritual teachings of yoga, with others received through the yogic mediumship of King in the channelling of so-called advanced extraterrestrial beings.

Instructed by 'Cosmic Intelligences' to present himself in America, King came to the United States in June 1960. It soon became incorporated as a non-profit metaphysical, education and spiritual organisation in November 1960.

The basic beliefs are :

1. Service to mankind, as well as to other forms of life.
2. Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Patanjali, and Sri Adi Shankaracharya are amongst some of the great Cosmic Avatars that have come to Earth from other planets in this Solar System. These Great Beings taught mankind the great laws according to their ability at the time to understand and use them.
3. The 'Cosmic Masters' purportedly gave a series of 'Transmissions' in which they state that the scribes of the Bible actually regarded the Sun as God and that long before this the ancients worshipped the Sun as a God because they realised, in their own limited way, that this was the nearest thing to God in the Solar System
4. The concept of co-operation as a fundamental principle to spiritual evolution
5. Reincarnation allows people on Earth to receive a deeper understanding of existence through each consecutive body, culture, and gender that are experienced in the cycle of incarnation
6. Not only do advanced forms of life exist beyond this Earth, but the other planets within our Solar System are inhabited too.
7. We all have a spark of the divine within us
8. Earth is an extremley 'advanced spiritual Being' in Her own right
9. Meditation is an existential status of Adeptship "when the soul is bathed in the Light of pure Spirit and one becomes a knower of truth."
10. The society offers for sale a device they call a "radionic pendulum" designed by the founder which diagnoses health, finds allergies, selects remedies, identifies dietary requirements and develops intuition.

The Aetherius Society claims that almost immediately following the 2011 Tohoku earthquake and tsunami they sent some 500 hours of 'spiritual energy' from their 'Operation Prayer Power batteries' to the north-eastern part of Japan to support the disaster relief in that area.

A further 115,500 hours of 'spiritual energy' was allegedly released up to the evening of 14 March 2011, to help the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear disaster which soon followed. The Aetherius Society state that they have sent a total of some '550,000 prayer hours' towards the disaster in '187 separate operations' (As of April 6, 2011), although the situation is likely to cause many problems for many years to come.

Carried out between 1958 and 1961, George King is believed to have been 'instructed' to travel to 19 holy mountains around the world, climb to a certain point and act as a "karmic anchor-point" for "energies to be radiated through him into the mountain." He claimed that these mountains could be used as "power-centres" or "spiritual batteries" for energy to be tapped by mankind in order to greatly enhance prayers sent out to the world.

If you fancy joining, then go to their web page - the FAQs section is particularly interesting.

Blessed is the great Being known as the Galaxy...

Sniffer dog

A man had just boarded a plane and settled into his seat next to the window when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.

'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.' and told Sniffer to 'search'. Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.

The Policeman said 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said 'That woman is in possession of marijuana. I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man. Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.

The Policeman said, 'Two paws mean that man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the Police.' 'I like it!' said his seat mate.

The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place.

The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'

The Policeman replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'

Fuck you, Costas, I'm alright...

Now, you are probably going to think that I am a bit of a wally (shurely not?) but I will admit that I actually quite fancy the lovely Christine...

There's something quite sexy about an elegant woman of a certain age who is also articulate.

But that's all over now, because Pops has left a comment on my post about austerity that has completely burst my bubble - because if there's one thing I cannot stand, it's a rampart bloody hypocrite!!

Here's an article that Pops pointed me towards in TNT Magazine that I am shamelessly reproducing here :

International Monetary Fund Boss Christine Lagarde has been exposed as a hypocrite for not paying tax, after taking a swipe at the people of Greece for not paying theirs.

Lagarde’s £298,675 salary, plus $53,593 in bonuses is untaxed as she is an official of an international institution. She is even entitled to an annual pay rise on her five-year contract.

Her financial package is greater than that of US president Barack Obama who pays taxes.

The IMF boss cause international outrage after she suggested beleaguered Greeks might do well to pay their taxes.

A tax-free income applies to nearly all United Nations employees. Article 34 of the Vienna convention on diplomatic relations of 1961, signed by 187 states, declares: “A diplomatic agent shall be exempt from all dues and taxes, personal or real national, regional or muncipal.”

The clause is in place ostensibly to attract talent from the private sector, however most senior employees are recruited from government posts anyway.

And just for the record, the unfortunate pose she is striking in the picture above is real and was not doctored...