Yesterday's meeting at the Fuhrerbunker between Angela Merkel and David Cameron was described as 'good and positive', but we know better don't we?
Here's the transcript from our ever present fly on the wall...
Merkel : Ve velcome you here to Greater Germania. Ve haf important issues to discuss...
Cameron : Indeed, Chancellor. It is important that the Euro is supported or we will all be in it together!
Merkel : Ve haf vays of solving zer crisis. I believe ve need greater political integration
Cameron : Hold on there, Kincaid! I must protect the British interest!
Merkel : You British are all zer same - afraid to take your rightful place in zer Reich! Call yourself a leader? Edward Heath - now zere was a leader!
Cameron : But Britain in a proud sovereign nation! Just look at the Jubilee.
Merkel : Enough of zis crap. Just gif us zer fucking money, Cameron!
Cameron : But we have no money. We are following your doctrine of austerity.... and we have the Olympics to pay for!
Merkel : Olympics? Pah! Anuzzer stupid Greek idea!
Cameron : Then there's nothing more to say!
Merkel : Ach! Zo!
(Silence ensues for several hours until a suitable period has elapsed to make the meeting look credible)
Leaders emerge smiling to address joint press conference...