EXCLUSIVE!
Transcript of the first meeting of the new French President and Chancellor Merkel...
Merkel : So, haf you come round to mine vay of thinking?
Hollande : Non.
Merkel : But you must see zat mine vay is the only vay!
Hollande : Non.
Merkel : Sweinhund! We haf vays of making you tow ze line!
Hollande : Non. Mais you are tres sexy ven you are engrie...
Merkel : You must help to bail out ze Greeks or ve are all in ze shite!
Hollande : Non.
Merkel : Austerity is ze only answer!
Hollande : Non.
Merkel : Do you have nothing else to say?
Hollande : Non.
(...Meeting continues in this vein for three hours....)
Merkel : So ve vill issue a joint communique saying ve vill continue to vork togezzer in ze interests of ze Eurozone?
Hollande : Oui.
(Meeting closes on positive note...)
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