Thursday, 10 May 2012
93 Men in a Boat (13) : The Merry Widow
"Hello," she opens. "Mind if I join you?" and without waiting for a response she plunks herself into the empty chair...
"Bugger!" I think. "How many times have I told myself never to sit at a table with an odd number of chairs?"
"My name's Jane" she goes on. "My husband died of cancer last year after a long illness."
Well, really that's a bit of a conversation stopper really, isn't it. I mean, what do you say in response to that? "Well, shit happens" I reply, smiling sweetly. Mrs D glowers at me and kicks me under the table as she looks for a convenient hole to open up in the dining room floor and devour her...
But the widow is nonplussed, not really taking in the unexpected response as she is not actually listening anyway. She prefers talking as this ensures that she remains the centre of attention.
"Yes," she says, going on to explain that her father also died last year and that her brother has terminal heart disease. I am somewhat taken aback and can only conclude that this is her response to my rather unexpected rejoinder. But no. She is being serious.
But all is not lost. The woman across the other side of the table who it transpires has brought her bit of stuff with her leans across and says "My husband died last year as well."
"FFS!" I think wondering what sort of rotten bastard I must have been in a previous life to get myself trapped in such a deadly pincer movement.
"What luck," I interject. "At least you will to talk about" and I hastily make my excuses and fuck off to the toilet to pass comment...