Come with me on a trip to the world of the 5* breakfast buffet...
Picture if you will the sumptuous array of fresh fruits and pastries; the enticing aroma of freshly baked breads; the chilled bottle of Champagne and the pitcher of freshly squeezed orange juice; the sunny side eggs and the crispy bacon sizzling on the sideboard. The tables are set with polished chrome cutlery and crisply ironed linen. Pure heaven!
Then in they come.
Him in his counterfeit blue Tommy Hilfiger shorts and flip flops, topped by a crumpled pink striped polo shirts and a cheap gold chain hanging around his fat neck. His faded tattoos compliment perfectly the prissy flowers etched around her chubby ankles and shown off by her pixie boots.
They turn sideways as they enter the room, being too wide to fit through the door any other way. She is a vision of loveliness in her cheap printed polyester smock, draped alluringly across her saggy stomach and matching tits, showing off her matching bra straps.
He staggers back from the buffet, his plate loaded to overflowing with bacon and eggs, sausages and thick chunks of french bread. The bread is pushed hastily aside and slavered with thick butter as the waitress pours his tea. Half a bottle of HP sauce is emptied over his food and mixed around until the consistency is of lumpy diarrhoea.
He picks up a chuck of bread, spreads it with brown concoction and stuffs it into his mouth while he prepares the next chunk. When it is ready, he stuffs that in as well, oblivious to the fact that the is still chewing the last mouthful. His cheeks bulge outwards to accommodate the overload. It all seems a bit hard to chew, so he softens it up with a swig of his tea so he can cram even more in.
Even his wife seems a little put off by the spectacle as she inspects the contents of his mouth while he speaks to her.
To complete the picture, a glob of egg yoke dribbles from the corner of his mouth and lands ignominiously on the fake logo of his polo shirt.
Unfortunately for me, my chair directly faces him and my appetite has suddenly disappeared. I wonder why?...
1 comments:
Oh so we have have met before.
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