Sunday, 11 December 2011

Why Christmas has had it's day

Now don't get me wrong - I actually like Christmas! No, really. I do!

But when I say this I mean the actual day itself. It's nice to have one day a year to reflect on the true values of life like family and loved ones. It's nice to get together with friends - real friends not Facebook virtual friends. It's nice to have one day a year when everything stops and life settles down to a relaxing pace and gives you time to take stock of your life...

Unfortunately, Christmas is not like that.

Christmas starts in September - although this year I spotted my first advertisement in February! The lead up is always the same :

Retailers start bombarding you with advertising to remind you that people will think you tight fisted unless you buy them a one must have present

Charities start flooding your TV screen with appeals, banging on your door asking you to sign direct debit forms - and don't even start me on Children in Need. This year even ITV are jumping on the bandwagon with Text Santa FFS!

Then there's the panto. It usually starts in November and runs through until mid January. And thoughts of serious theatre are banished for eight weeks!

And don't go down the shops unless you are prepared for the endless droning on of Christmas muzak. Honestly, if I hear the Ronnettes singing 'Frosty the Fucking Snowman' one more time, I swear I will scream!

Oh, and the endless round of books, CDs and DVDs launched especially to catch your Christmas gift list. I wouldn't mind but the CDs in particular are stuffed full of old back catalogue shite loosely compiled around any old theme. It's aimed squarely at the 'what shall we by our parents for Christmas' market.

Did I say 'market'? Well of course now we are being hit with the latest import - the dreaded Christmas market selling any old Christmas tat at vastly inflated prices. Or, of course, you can take a trip to the continent for a proper Christmas Market. Shame shit, different country...

And don't expect to get any sleep because you're forgetting the noisy neighbours' kids parties - the banging of endless car doors under your bedroom window at three in the morning, the drunks rolling home yelling and screaming and throwing up on your front garden...

Yes, Christmas has had it's day. Let's just give in and rename it the 'Winter Retail Fest" because any sense of the true meaning of Christmas has been well and truly kicked out of you well before 25th December...


  1. Your continual and flagrant use of the word "Christmas" has been duly noted by the Sharia "Council's Unified National Truth Society". (henceforth referred to as the "Sharia C.U.N.T.S").
    If you continue to use this forbidden word that insights the justifiable anger of the minority that control the local council and police department you will be taken to the local town square and stoned.

  2. What's the difference between a Christmas tree & a virtuous woman ?

    A Christmas tree won't bubble you to Plod if you stick your hand up its skirt .. ;)

    Why has Santa always got a smile on his face ?

    Cos he knows where all the "gagging for it" slappers live .. ;)

  3. NaaaH
    He's got a smile on his face 'cause he "comes" once year at Christmas. He's been waiting so long he fills yer stockings.

  4. I refer you both to one I wrote earlier :

  5. In which case George, he should be ultra grumpy ..

    He only cums but once a year .. and then its down a chimney .. ;)

  6. Christmas Day is the one day a year that I am forced to fend for myself in my kitchen since the only outside food available are stale sandwiches in petrol stations or Xmas Lunch in a pub or hotel surrounded by festive strangers.


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