Absolute Balls

Frankly, it beggars belief that the Mighty Milipede should appoint as Shadow Chancellor the very man who, under Gordon Brown at the Treasury, played such a major part in the economic woes currently bestting this country.

Ed Balls is a disaster waiting to happen. But does this matter to the Milipede? No, not at all it seems. The Labour Party is already hailing this appointment as a return to the combatative politics they long for after being crushed at the last election.

The fact is that the Milipede has no policies - at least none he is prepared to admit to. So far - and I may be proved wrong - his strategy seems to be to take the party back to the bad old days before 'New' Labour. This is, of course, what his masters at the TUC want from him - a return to power for a Union movement which has been losing control ever since the days of Thatcher and the miners' strike.

So where does Balls fit in?

Balls is a bruiser in some ways reminiscent of John Prescott but with a little more grooming. He's quite happy to get stuck in and likely relishes the idea of having a go at George Osbourne. The problem is he lacks depth when it comes to economic policy - amply proved by his contribution in the last government - and he's not a particularly eloquent speaker.

If he was an Apple product, he would likely be known as 'iTalk' Balls.

And the Milipede needs to remember one thing about Balls - Rotweillers have been known to bite their masters as well...