Wednesday, 23 April 2014

MEPs' Expenses


Now here's an article that you never thought you'd find me writing in a million years - I'm actually going to defend the way the European Parliament works!

There's been a lot of crap spouted this week over the expenses system operated by MEPs which I guess is to be expected with the European Elections coming up in a few weeks' time.  Our very own Biased Broadcasting Corporation has been doing it's best to stir things up. This from their broadcast on Tuesday morning :

"The perks and allowances of the European Parliament are far from see through. In the past few years MEPs have been criticised for abusing their travel expenses and employing family members.... Despite new rules there's still no requirement for MEPs to reveal how they spend their expenses."

MEPs get around £6,500 a month in salary plus a travel allowance of around £3,500 per annum. On top of this they get paid £3,500 a month for the costs of running their office in their home country. On the days they attend the EU Parliament they get a flat rate allowance of €304 per day to cover the costs of accommodation and food. To get his latter payment, they are required to sign in when they attend.

The system been described by the BBC as 'indefensible' to which I say 'bunkum'. They are also quick to criticise MEPs for not being required to say what they spend the money on. It seems to me that it is a bit of a wild statement to say they abuse the system considering they also say that they've no idea what is being spent on.

They've been criticised for employing family members and are accused of effectively paying the money to themselves. But the EU will only pay this money on presentation of a signed contact of employment and evidence that it is being declared for tax purposes. Is the work real? Well, somebody is doing it so why not a member of your family?

As regards their travel expenses, it is worth noting that this is actually paid against receipts and that once the allowance is spent, it's gone. There's no more.

So why no system like the one in the UK for scrutinising expenses? Well, the EU say that it's a flat rate and that it would cost more than it's worth to scrutinise everything. They also point out that whilst there is no legal requirement to do so, many MEPs publish details of their expenditure voluntarily.

I personally see nothing wrong with a flat rate allowance system. It's simple to control and the MEP gets no extras when it's all spent. How they spend it is up to them. When you compare it to the UK system then it's cost effective and simple to administer.

And let's face it, being accountable for every penny hasn't exactly proved to be very effective in Westminster has it?


Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Piss boiler of the week...


There's a problem with Roma migrants streaming west from Romania and Bulgaria. Of course, we all know they're not going to come to the UK because Mr Cameron says they won't, and we all believe Mr Cameron don't we?

Anyhow, it seems that the French have a similar problem in Paris to the one we have in Park Lane in London. Paris officials argue that Roma are behind a huge crime wave in the city, involving themselves in everything from aggressive begging to muggings and burglaries. Gangs of young Roma women, including children, can regularly be seen harassing tourists around landmarks such as Notre Dame Cathedral and the Eiffel Tower.

The difference is that the new Prime Minister of France, Manuel Valls, has something that our Prime Minister doesn't - a set of balls. Monsieur Valls says that these people cannot be integrated into French society and should therefore be rounded up and deported.

Naturally, this has the do gooders and civil right cunts up in arms. They're busy comparing it to the round up of Jews by the Nazis during the occupation of France during WWII. This is, of course, absolute bollocks although I have to admit that I'm a little surprised that the French PM is unfamiliar with the basic laws and treaties that govern the Fourth Reich.

He can't deport them because it's illegal under EU law. As members of the EU, Romanians and Bulgarians have free and unfettered access to all the countries of the European Union which includes France and, unfortunately, us. This means that should he round them up and illegally send them home, they can just simply walk back in again.

Let's just hope that it doesn't occur to him that one way to get rid of them is to round them up, shift them to Calais and buy them all a ticket to Dover to live in the land of unfettered immigration, free housing and endless welfare handouts. Because if he does, then there's fuck we can do about it!

Still looking for a reason to vote UKIP next month?

Monday, 21 April 2014

93 Men in a Boat [38] - The Body Artist


In general, the boats I have travelled on tend to attract a certain kind of person. They tend to be, shall we say, of the more aged persuasion. This is why I just love hanging around in airport lounges. They provide such a rich source of material.

So here I am taking in the scene when the body artist decides to plunk himself down in the seat opposite me.

My first reaction is a double take, unable to comprehend what my eyes perceive. The hair in itself is a revelation, sculpted rather than cut; short all round to allow geometric shapes to be etched into it before ascending to a single bunch to tough on top rather like a samurai knot only in the wrong place.

There are, of course the obligatory body piercings – ears (6), nose (2), lip (3) cheeks (2) and eyebrows (4). One is forced to reflect at this stage as to how he will fare with the security scanners with all that metal on board. 

But the piece de resistance is, of course, the selection of tattoos tastefully shown off by his choice of outerwear  – shorts and a sleeveless vest. It's winter and the lounge is quite chilly but what the hell! This is fashion and fashion does not bow to the elements.

His arms and legs are totally covered with Maori styled glyphs (I blame David Beckham although to be fair Beckham has a far superior body for such things even if he still looks a prat!). The remainder of this magnificent specimen of manhood is bedecked with what appears to be aandom tasteless doodles. I am particularly taken by the wine glass next to his ear matched on the other ear by a beer mug. His chin, neck and upper body are bestrewn by the remnants of too many drunken nights spent in rather too close proximity to the tattooed parlour.

This is all very well until one reflects on what all his emblazoned colour will look like when it has faded into a dull blue and the skin it is printed on (all 16 stone of it at present) has wizen away and sagged with age, bearing in mind that this ‘art’ is not removable. The mind frankly boggles.

Digressing for a moment, I'm reminded of a certain young lady I once knew who had the words "insert cock below" tattooed just above her fanny. Her brother had "no entry without permission" tattooed on his arse. 


Happy families!!

Saturday, 19 April 2014

"Please enter a new password..."


Please enter your new password:

   "cabbage"

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   "boiled cabbage"

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   "1 boiled cabbage"

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   "50bloodyboiledcabbages"

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   "50BLOODYboiledcabbages"

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   "50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessnow”

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   “ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessnow”

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THIS IS JUST SO FUCKING TRUE...